Life is beautiful, but it's complicated.

I am happy.
Not completely satisfied, but happy.
I love this year.
Aside from my two C's in Geo and Spanish, I am all good.
The play is a day or two away and I have learned some things while preparing:
1. You should never hold back, because that just makes you look stupid.
2. People really want to be entertained, so do not go on stage and fear that the whole world is laughing at you.
and
3. I met some pretty amazing people while preparing for the show.

People can surprise you.
I cannot believe how sweet people are able to be.
I must confess, I was intimidated by many people at first.
But once we began to talk, I realized that most of those people will always be there for me.
This is to you all <3

School started a while ago.
I feel like it is kicking my ass when it really isn't.
I have above a 90% in every class but Spanish.
Believe me, that class is hard as hell.
No joke, I try my hardest and it never pays off.
It frustrates me.
I have to rewrite stuff.
Make-up stuff.
Go to tutoring this Thursday.
It get annoying.
Especially when I think it won't even help my grade.
And that pisses me the hell off.
Other than that, this school year is the best so far.


Volleyball season is almost over.
I have really improved a lot.
I get a lot of help from people.
They usually are glad to help.
But I feel like sometimes they are not.
I feel like I annoy them for some reason.
Just because I can't play as well as some.
But others are supportive.
And that makes me happy.


Okay, living proof that people can be so heartless.
I mean, come on.
How immature can some get?
I am not naming names, because I don't know who all it is.
But why would you make fun of someone that gets hurt?
And is crying?
And says that it is the worst pain they have ever felt?
Reality check: your opinion isn't needed.
Especially if you use it to bring down someone for "complaining" about being hurt.
Grow up.
Dead serious.



Other than the occasional alter ego or loud mouth,
This school year is great and will keep getting better.





:]]]]]]]]
 

My classes are amazing.
This year will be amazing.


1. Geometry 1 Honors- Westran
2. English 2 Honors- Vaughan
3. Biology 1 Honors- Ballinger
4. Creative Writing 1- Frysinger
5. Guitar 1- Cantwell (woot woot)
6. Spanish 2- Hantzeas
7. Drama 1- Vaughan


I feel so smart since I've gotten into my honors classes.
Everyone is quiet so I'm able to listen and concentrate.
Everyone takes class seriously.
Plus it will raise my GPA.
I can't wait until guitar really starts up.
I'm getting my guitar in a few days.
It was shipped yesterday.
Its called a Fender Sonoran.
Its so pretty and its said to be a very good guitar.
I can't wait until I learn to actually play music and read music.
Everyone in the class is nice.
There is a piano in the room too, so me and my friend play sometimes.
I taught some kid to play the Halloween theme today.
That class is going to be great.
I just hope I can get guitar 2 next semester because I don't want to do weight training.
Fun year!!

I love Ms.Vaughan so much.
She is such a character.
She is my English and Drama teacher.
Its weird because my favorite teacher this year is teaching my two favorite classes of all time.
Except for guitar, which is added to that group of favorites.
She will make class more fun and interesting.
She seems like such an intelligent woman with so much life.


I'm so excited for this year.
It will be amazing.



 

Its such bullshit.
We get school schedules the first day of school.
Every other school gets them early!
Whatever.
Made Volleyball.
Practice tomorrow and the rest of the week.
I'm going to be exhausted.
Oh well.
I really want school to start.
Now.
 

 

 

I have an interview at Norman Love's chocolate salon tomorrow.
It would be nice to work at such a great place.
But until I hear the schedule, I just don't know about my arrangements with volleyball.
Let's hope I do get a miracle out of this.




I got my uniforms from school and hung out with NaomiRue <3


To whom is DOES  concern:
I can't believe that you are doing this again!
Not only do you make your family and friends upset,
But after a while you will be depressed.
It is happening all over again.
I can't trust you anymore.
I love you,
I just can't trust you.
You are not the person I thought you were.
I wish I can save you.
But with all of your negativity towards everyone,
You can only save yourself.
Rest in peace, soul and dignity of my dearest best friend.
 

Its dark.
The house is quiet.
I'm talking to Cody.
I miss him a lot.
I have a weird feeling in my body.
Its half fresh and half scared.
I don't know where it came from.
It comes every time I here this song.
That is what should happen with music.
I stare into space and think.
I like thinking.
It's better than reality.
I can make thinking into a dream.
All I have lately are my dreams.
Dreams of everything.
Dreams of hope and happiness.
Dreams of love and safety.
Dreams of fulfilling my dreams.
Even though I do have a lot of love already, I want a larger variety.
I have one variety.
It's great but it seems like most people have 2 or more.
I feel so out of place all the time.
I love being home so much.
My parents keep me loved.
So do some friends.
So do my dreams.
Which brings me back to my music.
Thank you.






This other song makes me cry and smile.
There are actually more than one.
Songs that make me thank God that I'm alive.
Songs that make me love.
Love life, my family, friends, and music.
I wish I could say more,but these thoughts can't quite be put into words.


Do you take the non-believers?
Because I'm a non-believer.


Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.




 

Today was okay.
I haven't written in a while.
I have nothing to write about.
I was with Hailey and Hunter today.
We listened to music, slept, and watched I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry.
It was fun.
We went to Il Primo for a little family thing tonight.
I saw my Kiera there.
I then realized how much I miss her so much.
I really hope that we can hang out again soon.
If you read this, Kiera, I love you :]
 

 

Three more days of school.
Just three.
I won't cry.
There is no point.
I will see most of them over the summer.
It's going to be great.
Freedom is great.
So is driving.
It's God-sent.
I don't have exact plans but that is good sometimes.
I can just go with the flow.
I do have volleyball.
Volleyball is amazing.
I am glad I got into it again.
I have missed sports.
They keep me positive and in shape.
I get to hang out more than ever over summer.
New friends to meet.
Old friends to greet.
Three more days.
Just three.
Thank you, God.
<3





 

I'm so glad that I'm a Freshman.
I could not go through leaving so sudden.
I have so much to experience and it all seems over whenever you get there.
I might just be thinking this way because I'm not in their shoes yet.
I'm so stressed that they only have a week left and I have about four!
We are never going to get the murals done.
We will if Mel and Naomi help but I can't seem to keep track of most of the members.
haha.
I'm suppose to be known as the child!
I show up every week, excluding days I'm sick, while they run around sometimes.
Blah.
I just want to tie some of them down.
At least I can depend on the twins and Josh, most of the time.



Next year will be better for me and others to excel as the artists of the school :]]]]]
Yaaaaaaay!! Mel is amaaazingggg.


I'm glad I have 3 more years ahead of me full of fun fun fun!!
 

I'm such a nice person.
I really am.
I care for anyone and everyone.
What do I get in return?
No love, no chances, no  thanks, nothing.
All I get is the feeling of doing a good deed.
Horse Shit.




 

I'm going to write something.
Something that means something to me.
Nobody has to know.
Nobody has to like it.
It's for me.
Me.

"And I get to tend the rabbits, George."

Today was fine.
Went to John's birthday :]
Hung out at the pool.
Chilled with Michael for like and hour.
Today reminded me of how much fun life can be.
I just have to be myself and not be worried about others.
I am accepted by someone and I'm just fine with that.
I just need to be me and nobody else.




Happy Birthday Johnny Boy :]]]]]]]]]]]
 

 

I am one of the best English students in my class.
People actually ask me for help on things and understanding books.
John Steinbeck is a brilliant man.
I just think he is very symbolic and deep in his stories.
I'm hoping to get a collection of his books.
The book really hit me hard and I've never cried while reading before so I know that he is absolutely great.
The movie just killed me too.
My class is reading Go Ask Alice and I hate having to read the same book twice, except for Night.
I'm hoping to read The Grapes Of Wrath next.
Today was okay but it could always be better at this point.
I need someone to look forward to and someone to call my own and it just seems like too fucking much to ask!
Whatever.
 

I need to finish Of Mice And Men tonight.
It's eating me alive not knowing what happens!
One Tree Hill is on in 10 minutes.
I'm so bored lately.
I really need a life.
I AM going to John's 18th on Saturday so that's a plus :]
He loves to make my life hell.
He really does.
I think that hanging out with the football team is a big plus for me and Hay.
We have met so many new people and friends.
Most of them are going to be at John's party so you can bet that I'm going to be thrown into the pool.
I got honor roll this semester so that is a big plus for me with having driving privileges and other privileges.
Art club has been busy at work with painting the school crest in the weight room, painting sets for Sleepy Hollow, and finishing up our school mural.
It's so much fun to be part of art club.
everyone in it is supportive and kind and nothing needs to be perfect.
I'm painting my big white table.
I am not sure when it will be finished but it might take a while to put it all together.
It's going to look amazing whenever it's done.
I reeeaaalllyy need a boyfriend.
ha, yeah right.
Like that's gonna happen.
We'll see how things go.


 

 

Oxymorons are so much fun.




I have just realized that I  overdo everything I say.
For instance, I said that about 4 different movies were the best movie on the planet today.
hahahaha.
I try to stop but I can't and people seem to find it funny so there really isn't any reason to stop.
I love all of the music that comes from One Tree Hill.
Almost all of my music on my ipod is from the show.
It's actually very funny because we would be in art club after school and we would be painting the mural and Mr. Hixson would ask if anyone has an ipod and I usually do so I turn on my playlist and nobody knows any of the artists or songs.
Mr. Hixson did know the Stereophonics song, though so I feel like my art teacher is the coooolest ever.

I bought The House Of 1000 Corpses Saturday so now I own all of Rob Zombie's movies.
yay :]

My mom says that I am a very special child :]

 

Went to the Edison festival of lights on Saturday to volunteer.
We had to man this one gated area.
You could only get in if you knew the password.
It was all stupid.
That is, until we saw Gavin Degraw.
My heart melted.
He is one of the greatest.
Or at least one of my all time favorites.
He did a surprisingly long show.
He played all of the best songs.
After the show me and Hailey decided to go behind the stage to see if he was there.
It turned out that he was there.
He was talking to the VIPs.
A lot of girls were waiting to see him.
We got right up to the gate because the cops were sooooooooo nice.
Plus they remembered us at the gates :]
He eventually made his way over but started on the right.
We absolutely RIGHT in the middle.
So we waited.
And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Then the bass player, Casey, came over.
He was talking to a couple of Ft.Myers students.
I asked him if I could have a hug and he said "Of course you can, hun!"
Hun <33333333333
He was about a foot taller than me so I basically reached his chest.
I almost died.
Then other girls got jealous and asked for a hug too.
pshhh, posers :P
Then Gavin made his way over.
He signed my shirt.
He was literally 3 inches from my face!
I could smell his cologne.
Then I asked for a hug and he said "Sure you can, hun!"
Hun.
What's with that word?
They are all southern gentlemen.
I almost passed out.
haha
Best night everrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
He asked us if we enjoyed the show and we all said it was amazing.
He was glad.
Obviously.
<33333333333333333
You wish you were me :]]







 

Today was stupid.
I went to Costco and Verizon can't fix my phone at the moment.
I can't get an upgrade until May!
I have to buy new shoes online because no store has a size for my big ass feet.
Oh well.


I found some old pictures.
They really reminded me of how much fun I use to have when I didn't care about things so much.
Mostly my weight.
I want to stop worrying about it.
But in order for me to do that, I have to actually get the weight off.
Oh boy.
That's always fun.
I haven't been in the groove lately.
I'm back.





 

People really don't know how lucky they are.
I read a magnificent thing  today that really showed me another side of life.Poverty.





There was a man named Gabriel Joshua Wolrab and he was 21. He lived poor on the streets of San Fransisco. He was noticed by many. Some stopped, some kept going, but one stayed to talk. He says that life was going well at the moment but he doesn't know what lays ahead for him. He was panhandling with a friend on the streets when she met him. She kept up with him for awhile. They talked about everything, life, love, homes, girls, and the road. It was April 24th, 2006 when they met. She came back many times. She said he was easy to talk to. That he was gentle. That he would listen to what you say and care more too. One day, he is waiting on a friend to come back. He brings a gun. That was his choice and he chose his path. So long and goodnight.

I prayed for Gabriel, I pray that you do the same.


This picture was dedicated to Gabe and is for his family and his friends.
He was 21.
21.
He is finally at peace with himself.
Now he can walk freely from all pain or judgement.
Gabriel Joshua Wolrab, May 3, 1985-October 17th, 2006


Please pray for him.
 

 

I love all music.
It really helps a person think.
It can put you in a mood you didn't have about 10 seconds ago.
It really gets my blood going.
Some songs still give me the goosebumps.
I wish I could thank each band and artist that has gotten me through the last few years.
I know I'm not able to.
So here's to you:

















and of course





Thank You <33




 

School is getting harder and I really want to try my absolute best the second half of the year. I have had so many friends leave to a new school this year and it's been making me feel hopeless  a  lot. I feel like people don't want to be around me and I feel like I'm the reason for their departure. I know that sounds ridiculous but I have no reason to make much sense anymore. I don't enjoy the company of many people anymore, I feel like my relatives hate me, I always feel fat, and I never want to do anything but watch sad movies anymore. I know that my exercise will pay off soon and that I will get back into my groove, but right now I just feel really lousy. I need some cheering up. I need to do something other than what I normally do. I need to meet someone that will show me other things than what I already know. I need to stop being so lazy. I'm going to make my second period gym class an enduring exercise period that will help me shed these extra pounds and I'm going to balance it  with a healthy meal and actually start eating again. I'm also going to start playing my instruments again and hopefully write something nice for myself. I think I just cheered myself up a little.